Strength to Stay
by NYCSVULOVE
Summary: Fourteen years ago, Cassidy and Olivia slept together. What if Olivia decided to stay? Little does Olivia know that she made possibly the best decision of her life. Complete with heartbreak, make ups, and maybe even a family, Olivia and Cassidy go on a roller coaster of their lives as they figure out what true love really is.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Got this idea from the new SVU which I love with a burning passion. Anyway, I expect this to be multiple chapters so please, please leave a review if you like it at all. Might have some E/O in it if I feel the need after something bad happens with Brain and Olivia, so just warning you now. But it's mostly going to be Cassidy and Liv. :^) hope you enjoy! **

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"Ugh," Olivia Benson heard the familiar beeping of her pager from somewhere on the floor, tangled in her clothing that had been shed from her body at the fastest pace she thought possible. From beside her, the man she had fallen in to bed let out the same exasperated sigh, although somewhere in Olivia's mind could sense that he had a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Of course, Brian knew about the stupid, incredibly annoying requests NYPD detectives got at the earliest hours of the morning or the lastest hours of tonight.

Olivia reached over off of the edge of the bed and started rummaging through the soft cloth of both her and Brian's clothes as she hunted for the stupid source of the beeping. She finally found it hiding inside of her pants.

"Dammit," She muttered as she read the message that lit up on the screen.

**Need you at Mercy ASAP**

It was from Cragen. Olivia knew that Elliot was probably already out the door at this point, not wanting to spend another second in the hellhole of a house with Kathy. Of course, Olivia hadn't made this assumption up just because of her jealousy, which she would never admit was actually present. Not so much of Kathy getting to be married to Elliot as much as her talented ability to hide her crumbling marriage. The one time Olivia had met Kathy, the blonde had plastered a fake smile on her face as she shook Olivia's hand and slid her pale, bony arm around Elliot's waist as if to show off her husband as a trophy more of an actual human being. At first Olivia had thought it was just her being her usual assuming self, but Elliot had just began to open up to her more and more, revealing that him and Kathy weren't as steady as they used to be. Olivia couldn't help but wonder had Kathy not gotten pregnant, would her and Elliot still be together. No one knew but them by this point and even that was a little shaky. Obviously, it wasn't the perfect life, but her partner had confessed to her that she wanted everything to be perfect, almost slightly OCD. For some odd and unknown reason, Olivia wished she had the self control of Kathy, not to let other people get close to her like that; to block out people's understanding of every hidden emotion and feeling of self-consciousness that she got more often than she should have.

"You gotta go?," Brian muttered sleepily from next to her as he intertwined his fingers within her own, letting the rough callouses run over her delicate flesh almost teasingly. Olivia nodded, much to her disdain, and leaned back against his chest relaxing her overheated body before she had to get ready. Oh god, she didn't want to get up...not now, not ever. She inadvertently felt her ass press against him, then the feeling of his immediate reaction.

"Liv," Brian moaned, sounding almost strained. Olivia grinned to herself at the power and affect she had over him, but she was also shamed to admit that he had that same power. When he touched her she felt her skin ignite with deep, burning fire, destined to release. When he looked at her she felt herself loose all focus and control; she had his attention and she would keep it any way possible. When he tasted her; his lips sliding over her collarbone to slowly descende upon her waiting, most intimate place, that was when she could die.

All of these details brought the same nagging questions out from the back of her mind where they was buried with the rest of the other stuff she didn't want to think about at the moment: Would it happen again? Why? Where? How long would it go on for? Could he be the one? Olivia wanted to face palm herself at that last one. To be totally honest though, Olivia didn't actually want a relationship, not now; not anytime soon as a matter of fact. Something was different this time though. Something so incredibly different that Olivia knew that he either had to be one of the best guys she had ever even considered sleeping with or the best. He was kind, gentle, soothing, but the roughness of his body pressed against her own delicate one, made the sex so much more passionate, overwhelming. It was like two opposites coming together to form a completely knew thing. And boy did that feel incredible.

"Cassidy?," Olivia's voice sounded small and frail, not at all the strong, confident vocal she had imagined she would use when she asked him about what she was thinking of. He shot up in a second looking at her with concern in his bright green eyes. Damn him. Although they hadn't known each other long, Cassidy knew Olivia better than anyone, except maybe Elliot. Perhaps this was because they were the most frequent of the team to go out for never ending drinks at the end of a particularly tough, tiresome case. Munch would go home. End of story there. He wasn't the socializing type. He preferred being surrounded with his Kennedy conspiracies more than any person. Monique would go out on her own. Yeah, Monique was nice and stuff, a good friend to have light, fluffy conversations with, maybe discuss a past case, but Olivia never really felt actually connected with her as a close friend. It was obvious that Monique was the distant, self absorbed type, not exactly in a bad way though. Elliot would sometimes go out with them, depending on whether Kathy demanded him at home or not. Either way, the guy was great company to have, even if it was the three of them which after tonight could be a bit of a problem. Cragen, usually didn't go out. He was to busy or maybe it just wasn't proper for the captain to go out with the people he commanded. Once, Olivia recalled, he had gone out with them and gotten a coke as Cassidy, Olivia, and Elliot had gotten slightly tipsy. That never happened again. All Olivia remembered clearly about that night was the word "foursome", a confused and shocked look on Cragen's face, and Brian and Elliot's laughter echoing off of the tiny bar's walls.

"What's wrong, baby?" His voice was soothing, buttery and made her feel almost impossibly closer to him.

"I...uhm...," She didn't know how to say this to him, much less how he would even react. That was the part Olivia was afraid of. But she needed to rip it off like a bandaid and the pain might not be so intense.

"Do you, uhm, wanna maybe do this again sometime?," Olivia muttered, her pride immediately circling the drain as she avoided his eyes. A few beats passed before he spoke.

"Olivia, of course I do," Brian said, running his rough thumb gently across her cheek to lead her head up to catch his eyes. He grinned brightly at her and leaned in and kissed her ever so lightly, not wanting to turn her on even more before she left.

"Cool," Olivia said when they pulled away for a breath. They both chuckled lightly at her almost teenager-like response. "I mean great. That's really great." Olivia couldn't comprehend how much she wanted to stay there and snuggle against his chest as they talked...just talked for hours. She knew that's how it would go if she could stay. He was that kind of guy that wouldn't expect hours of mindless sex, nor for her to just walk out after they were finished. Brian would want her to stay so they could just get to know each other even better.

"I guess you gotta go," Cassidy whispered a sadness present in his voice. Olivia groaned and massaged her temples.

"Damn right I do, or Cragen will kick my ass," She murmured, climbing slowly out of bed, feeling the chilliness of the November air hitting her skin from the open window. She hunted around for her robe for a few minutes until she found it in the corner of the room where she had slid it out of the way as her and Brian lips attacked each other's.

"That was incredible," Brian whispered while she looked opened her closet to find a pair of clean work clothes. Olivia smirked and turned towards him.

"You might wanna get used to it," Olivia said with a grin.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: omg Thanks for the reviews and really sorry for writing Brain instead of Brian o_o quite awkward...anyway hope you enjoy this chapter and leave me a review, favorite, or follow if you like it :D By request I won't make any E/O :) so this is just a Brian and Liv story!**

**SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and Friends.**

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Olivia held Harper Anderson's hand tightly as the young blonde woman squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the doctor to finish the rape kit. The woman somewhat reminded Olivia of herself, just trying to make a seemingly small life in a huge city. All Olivia's life she never thought she could actually be a victim of a crime. Of course, she heard on the news of rapes and murders, but it was different in perspective. As a child she wasn't exactly protected, but she went to a Catholic school, had reasonable friends, and excelled academically, so she was able to retain a full scholarship to Sienna College. Olivia had never wandered the street, exposing herself as fresh meat for disgusting perverts to hunt, yet Harper Anderson was in a safe place, home in her bed when she was attacked. This was what Olivia had learned a few years earlier when she had first come to the unit. Home invasions were more rare than public, late night attacks, but it happened and it fucking sucked.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Olivia felt the 28 year old's hand strongly squeeze her own in response, suspecting that if Harper tried to speak she would break down in hysterical sobs. The doctor finished containing the evidence swabs in tubes to be sent over to the lab and gently pulled the sheet down over Harper's pelvis.

"Detective Benson, we'll send these over to the lab right away," he ushered to the whole table full of fingernail scrapings, photographs of Harper's bruises, mouth swabs, and so on.

"Okay, thanks," Olivia showed her gratitude as the doctor left, wheeling the white cart with all of the evidence out of the hospital room. As soon as the heavy door to her room closed, Harper whimpered and began crying, her other arm swinging up around Olivia and gripping her back tightly. Olivia winced, but endured the feeling of Harper's nails digging into her skin painfully, knowing fully well that this woman needed someone to cry on because she felt broken and disgusting and shamed.

"I-I can-can't do th-this," Harper sobbed into Olivia's neck, allowing the tears to soak into the detective's skin, not even bothering to apologize for her helpless behavior at this point. She was already broken and everyone knew it. They were just trying to save her pride for her own sake.

"Honey, everything's going to be okay," Olivia soothed gently, "You called the police. You did the right thing. We're going to try as hard as we possibly can to find him, okay?"

"That's not what I mean, Olivia," Harper muttered. "I mean what the hell am I going to do with myself? I feel disgusting, dirty. And I can't even defend myself against an intruder. I'm so damn weak! What is wrong with me?" She let out a strained whimper as the truth dawned on her. Life was never going to be the same again.

"Harper, there's nothing wrong with you," Olivia smoothed back Harper's blonde hair so that it wouldn't get tangled in her tears. "This happens to a lot of women, way more than you think. You're not weak, sweetheart. You're strong enough to get through this and that proves that he isn't going to win. This is going to make you the stronger person. Just know that everyone is going to support you through this, your friends, your family, the police. You have nothing to be afraid of anymore because you know you're going to be able to fight through this." Harper lifted her head up off of Olivia's neck, the tears ceasing slightly as Olivia continued talking comfortingly to her. "You're a survivor, Harper. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Wear those bruises like battle scars," Olivia gently ran her thumb over Harper's battered face. "People will look up to you as someone brave and noble." Harper let out a weak smile and wrapped her arms around Olivia tightly.

"Thank you," Harper whispered, closing her eyes, feeling at last the hopelessness lifting off of her chest as she let Olivia's words sink into her skin. _You're a survivor_...and Harper knew somewhere in her heart that she was.

* * *

Elliot and Olivia walked shoulder to shoulder down the crowded New York City street as they kept their eyes peeled for Harper's apartment. Normally, they would have taken a cab, but the both of them decided the crisp Autumn air would do them good after no sleep whatsoever after interviewing Harper about the attack all night. Besides Harper's apartment wasn't that far from the precinct anyway.

"Hey uhm, Liv?" Elliot asked, keeping his eyes lowered, not daring to look in her eyes. Olivia furrowed her eyebrows at his shady behavior which was a rarity, even with her short time working with him.

"What?"

"Look, uhm do you think I can stay at your place tonight?," The question sounded forced and ashamed, as if Elliot didn't want to admit to even himself that him and Kathy were going through rough times. Olivia narrowed her eyes, but didn't end up questioning him. The last thing she wanted to do was to make matters worse. He was obviously going through so much crap at home.

"Yeah, El, sure." She smiled warmly and nudged his ribs, pointing at the hotdog stand on the corner block. He grinned brightly, happy at last that he had a partner that was well worth keeping.

After about ten minutes of Elliot listing the things he wanted on his hotdog, Olivia ordered hers, objecting when Elliot pulled a ten out of his pocket.

"I can handle five bucks, El." Olivia began feeling around in her back pocket, looking for the crumbled bills she usually shoved in her pockets in the wee hours of the morning when she left for work. Elliot chuckled and handed the ten over. Olivia sighed dejected to admit her defeat. They continued walking at a leisurely pace, enjoying the sun beating down on their tired and pale faces. As much as Olivia wanted to bring up innocently things about Kathy, she held her tongue. She cursed her personality for still having the nosy, teenage trait that she had her whole life. Olivia knew she should've outgrown it by now, but maybe it was due to lack of relationships in her life, which had so recently changed due to Brian.

"Liv, how long have you been sleeping with Brian?" Olivia nearly choked on her hotdog when the question left Elliot's mouth. It took her a moment to respond, hoping to God that maybe she was hearing things, but the questioning look on Elliot's face didn't exactly agree to that.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Olivia responded, trying to put on an act of confusion, but she knew that he was seeing right through it.

"You're stomach just dropped into the sewage system, now spill?" He grinned like a child as he munched happily on his weird-ass hotdog that made Olivia's stomach churn slightly. She had now idea how that man was able to hold so many things down at once, yet he could probably eat a four course meal and still have room for Munch's pasta, which was quite good.

"I don't k-," Olivia thought for a moment of denying it once more, realizing that if she told him he could easily tell Cragen and get both her and Brian's sorry asses fired. As she looked into Elliot's trusting, deep, navy eyes she knew he would never do anything to hurt her or get her into trouble. Elliot Stabler just wasn't that kind of man and most people could probably tell at first glance. He was strong, yes, but there was something else there to. Wise, kind eyes that looked too old for his age as lovely as they were. It was as if he had gone through so much in his life already, yet he was only the same age as her, 32. "Just last night," She finally admitted, throwing the remains of her hotdog in the trashcan, her appetite completely gone. "I mean it just happened. We were drunk and it got kinda heated in the bar, so we went back to my place and...," Olivia trailed off waiting for Elliot to say something...anything. But he didn't. He continued chewing the remains of his hotdog as he mulled over what his partner had just told him.

So Olivia waited.

And waited.

The son of a bitch finished his hotdog, threw out the wrapper, and clapped the crumbs off his hands.

"Good for you," Elliot finally said, spotting Harper's building up ahead, only a short distance away. Olivia blinked and wanted to demand more of a reply. Before Olivia could even get a single angry word out, he cut her off with a sad look on his face. "I honestly wish I could do what you did. I mean just go out and sleep with people." For a moment she was offended. Olivia was definitely not a whore. Sure, she knew some positions that gave her the best orgasms anyone could experience, but she had boundaries that she respected. She didn't go home with random people she met at bars, or sleep with married men, so why the fuck was he calling her a slut?

"Okay, Elliot, I don't just 'go out and sleep with people.'" Angrily, Olivia crossed her arms and glared ahead. She didn't want her partners respect for her to circle the drain just for sleeping with a coworker. After all, these things weren't exactly unheard of. She knew Elliot was a dedicated, Catholic man, but she didn't think he was hardcore. "I have to say though, leaving your wife isn't exactly the holiest thing to do ever." Elliot shot her an infuriated look.

"For your information, I wasn't being sarcastic. You're lucky you're still single and you don't have to deal with the same shit over and over again. And don't make comments on things you don't know anything about," His voice was soft, yet commanding and contained a danger Olivia dared not question.

"Fine, sorry," Olivia huffed and began walking up the apartment stairs, but Elliot grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes.

"Me too, but promise me something." Olivia nodded, not knowing what the fuck he could possibly want now. "Go to Cassidy's house if you're gonna bang." They both grinned and headed into the building.

* * *

As it turned out, everyone went home that night, except for Olivia. She had been working tirelessly through files going back five years, hoping that there would be a similarity between cases, but nothing turned up. The young detective contemplated the possibility that maybe she was looking for the wrong things, but she knew it was no use. Harper had specified on everything that had happened to her: her nightshirt, the violence, the shower, his gentle caressing as he washed her. There was no use. The more likely thing was that there were more women that hadn't reported their rapes. Most women felt like Harper did at first, ashamed and weak, so they never told anyone and just suffered in silence for their whole lives. Olivia hated that women felt it was their fault that they were brutally attacked and violated, just like her mother had been. At least Serena had reported the rape...and least her mother was kind enough to have her.

Olivia sipped at her coffee and tried to focus, but she felt the dizzying feeling of sleep consuming her. She'd gotten that coffee at roughly 11 P.M. when Cragen had marched out of his office, yelling at her for trying to connect dots that just weren't there. Reluctantly, she dragged her feet out of the office and waited for a half an hour at the coffee shop down the block until she was sure he had left for the night.

At the moment it was 12:30 and Olivia felt a slight sense of disappointment that she was getting tired this early. Usually she could last until at least 3:00 before her eyes got heavy. Perhaps it was the emotional draining she had gotten that day when she had gotten in a slight argument with Cassidy about whether Harper was lying or not, but that had lasted a second before they awkwardly heard Cragen approach them, ready to break up a fight that was brewing. They had sulked away a moment later, not daring to meet each other's eyes as much as they wanted to. The last thing either one of them wanted was for Cragen to get any suspicions.

"Liv?" Olivia recognized the deep voice immediately. It was Brian. She couldn't hold back the smile that formed on her lips as she got up from her chair and collapsed emotionally drained in his strong, warm arms. Having the spectacular feeling of someone holding her so tightly out of love and care was probably the best feeling Olivia had ever experienced.

"Hey," She muttered into his chest as she felt her eyes flutter closed and took in Brian's fresh smell that seemed to gently lull her to sleep.

"Honey, you need some sleep." Shit, he must have felt her losing consciousness on him and she was fucking standing. Well...halfway considering he was supporting the majority of her weight. Olivia wanted to argue, to insist she was perfectly capable to make her own choices, but before she knew it Brian had taken his left arm and settled it under her butt, scooping her up into his arms.

"I'm fine," Olivia muttered sleepily as he carried her up the stairs that led to the crib. Brian chuckled and gently kissed her forehead, loving the feeling of her smooth skin under his lips. God, he could get used to carrying around Olivia like this. Not only was fantastic to be holding a beautiful woman in his arms as she drifted off to sleep, but she was Olivia fucking Benson, better known as 'Bad-ass Benson.' There was no way that she would let just anyone carry her around.

As Brian opened the door to the crib, he could almost swear he heard Olivia muster a satisfied groan and if his dick didn't get hard right then...But he resisted the primal urge to shake her awake and fuck her hard until she screamed his name. She needed sleep for now and that was what she was going to get.

Gently, Brian lay Olivia down on the most comfortable cot there was and tucked her into the thin cotton sheets, making extra sure that her toes were snuggled in. In the end, Olivia looked like a five year old that had just been tucked in by her mother. Brian convinced himself that everything looked perfect, yet there was one thing missing...him sleeping beside her and holding her tightly. Brian made a vow to himself as he climbed into the bed next to hers that he would be there when she woke up to ask her what the fuck was going to happen in their relationship.

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**A/N: Who do you guys want Elliot to be with? I was thinking maybe Alex or Hendrix? Leave me a review on who you think it should be and I promise Imma update my other stories! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Enjoy! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, life is pretty busy right now! Review, Follow, or Favorite if you would like to! :D **

**SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and friends. **

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The Harper Anderson case had taken a lot out of both Elliot and Olivia. They had gone around New York City chasing her credit card and questioning the hell out of everything they knew about the case, yet they still weren't able to find even one suspect that fit her description or even appeared relatively guilty. It hurt Olivia to know that Harper might never see justice. The look in Harper's eyes when Olivia had to tell her that the man who stole her credit card wasn't the man who raped her broke her heart. But she couldn't do anything more for her.

It had only been a day since the case had hit a dead end, but it was just Olivia's luck that the precinct was like a zoo. Husbands and wives were bitching at each other over domestic violence disputes, mothers were crying over their daughters being molested, and there was a packed cage full of rapists and pedophiles. Right, at this moment she was finishing a report on a woman who had been there only a half an hour earlier, reporting a rape. This was just how Olivia wanted to spend her Friday night, but to make things a little better for her, Brian was there too, trying to break up a fight between a rather large couple. It made her smile to know that he was here spending a rather hellish night with her.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a small voice said to her right. A pretty teenager stood with her arms crossed, glancing around at the various people screaming and yelling at one and other. Olivia knew it must look like a nuthouse from the girl's perspective. "The man downstairs said to come up and speak with you."

"YOU STUPID BITCH! GOD DAMMIT GET OFF OF ME! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" The man had finally broken free from Cassidy's death grip and was now advancing rapidly towards his wife with a rather menacing grin. Olivia's heart raced as she shot out of her chair to go over and help Cassidy out. The teenager immediately vanished from her mind.

"Sir, calm down," Olivia said, stepping in front of his wife, protecting her from any harm her husband was about to do to her. Normally, she knew that Brian would have taken the chance to latch himself back around the man, but he must've realized that she was trying to get him to relax and having another cop attack you from behind just wasn't going to do that.

"See Barry the police believe me! Not your sorry ass!," the woman cackled from behind her. Olivia knew that this woman must be high on crack for two very distinct reasons. One, she definitely looked like one with her sunken in cheeks and the big, red pimples dotted around her face, and two, she was crazy to be provoking a man this large and dangerous, even if she was protected by cops.

"Move bitch," the man growled in a deep, threatening voice. Olivia was indeed scared to death on the inside, but on the outside she remained cool and collected, needing to send the message out to Barry that she was in complete control and he wasn't.

"Barry, let's just take a breath and talk this out, okay?," Olivia asked in a calm voice, holding her hands out in front of her in case she needed to shove him away…like that would help against his bulging muscles. That was when she noticed her hands were shaking.

"I'm not gonna ask you again to move the fuck out of my way," Barry barked, his face becoming more red with anger by the minute. Before she could say anything else, Brian took this as the signal that Olivia's calming method was not at all working and grabbed Barry's arms. He twisted them behind his back which must have been rather painful because Barry let out a howl of agony. Relief swept over Olivia in an instant, but it was short lived. Barry was indeed much stronger and bigger than Brian, so elbowing him in the stomach and knocking him off his feet wasn't a big feat.

In a flash he was coming towards Olivia again, except this time he wasn't slowing down. His fist hit her in the lower stomach before she even knew what was happening. An awful, deep pain erupted in her ovaries and she crumbled over to her knees. It was probably the worst thing she had felt in a while, probably not much worse than getting shot. Though her mind was clouded over with agony, it seeped in that Barry was probably going to kill his wife if she didn't do something about it right now. Though, she knew Cragen, Elliot, Munch, or Jefferies were probably starting to notice that two detectives were down, Olivia couldn't be sure if they would get over to the couple in time.

So, she mustered the only thing she could do. She grabbed the man's wrist before he walked any farther and sunk her teeth deep into his flesh. The one thing that really stuck in her mind in that moment besides the still blinding pain in her lower abdomen, was that she couldn't wait until she was given the chance to brush her teeth as she felt blood seep into her mouth. Her free fist swung up to his crotch and immediately slammed into his junk, resulting in his erupting in more intense howls of pain as he crumbled over beside her.

Finally able to release her teeth from his skin, Olivia quickly took out her cuffs and slapped them around the mans wrists, hoping that the metal dug into the bite she had left behind. Immediately wiping her mouth, she climbed hastily to her feet, still clutching her stomach.

"Liv," Elliot was rushing out of the interrogation room, Cragen following quickly behind him. Could they not have gotten there 10 seconds earlier? Olivia held up her hand indicating that she was okay. She wasn't, but she didn't want them to come up with some stupid explanation for her to go to Mercy General Hospital. Air was rushing back to her lungs at a fast pace as her heart rate slowed and the panic that had once overtaken her began to leave.

"Bri," Olivia said over to him as he was leaned against a desk, just as she was. He didn't look hurt, but his fists were clenched tightly and his face was red from an anger she knew must be spreading. "Are you okay?," she asked in a breathy voice.

"No, I'm not fucking okay!" The next moment Brian had walked briskly over to Barry and was kicking the shit out of him, yelling expletives at the top of his lungs. She knew with each hard, strong kick, he was causing immense pain towards not only Barry, but himself. Olivia couldn't believe her eyes. She had never seen Brian lose control like that, not even on a suspect that really, really deserved it. He knew it could compromise the case and even dismiss all charges because of police brutality. Now, he was throwing that all out just because some big ass guy attacked them. It certainly wasn't the first time either one of them had been hurt by a kook at the precinct, why forget all the rules now?

"Brian, chill!," Elliot yelled loudly, nearly tackling Cassidy to the ground as he pulled him away from the still hysterical Barry.

"Cassidy, take a walk!," Cragen commanded, glaring angrily at the young detective. Brian looked as if he wanted to object, but he seemed to decide at the last minute it wasn't a good idea. Olivia nearly collapsed into her chair the next moment. God, SVU was getting more and more stressful as the days went on. She could only hope she could handle it.

* * *

"Well, at least he had to get 14 stitches," Munch said with a rather pleased smile as he plopped down in a chair next to Olivia. She knew that he had stated the one and only good thing they had gotten out of the whole fiasco earlier that night. Receiving stitches definitely beat getting elbowed in the ovaries pain wise, but it still hurt like a mother fucker even with the icepack pressed against the deep purple bruise.

"Yeah, I guess so." Olivia shrugged and took a sip of her beer as she rested her feet on top of her desk. They were still at the precinct even after three hours of seemingly endless bitching from Barry and his wife. Now that it was closer to midnight, everyone had either fallen asleep, was transferred to Rikers, gone home, or decided to stay for some late night work. Olivia only chose to stay because Brian still failed to show up. The thought had crossed her mind that he had just wanted to go home and sleep it off, but he had promised her earlier today that they would get together tonight. Still, even if Brian didn't show, she was still enjoying the conversation with Munch and Elliot.

"Come on Liv, you sunk your teeth into the bastard's flesh," Elliot said from across from her at his desk, his feet plopped up lazily as well as he too nursed a beer. "That is surely something to be proud of."

"He was about to beat his wife to death what was I supposed to do?," Olivia asked, massaging her aching temples. She knew that it had been the only way to get him to listen without shooting him which wouldn't have ended well. Having never shot someone really before, Olivia was petrified of what it would be like her first time and today just wasn't the day she was mentally prepared for that.

"Liv, it's fine. You bit a guy, so what?," Munch asked casually from beside her. "I thought it was pretty damn hilarious if you asked me."

"Thanks, I really like when my courageous and brave acts are perceived as hilarious," Olivia said sarcastically as she tried to hide a smile. Munch was like a father to her, much like Cragen was. He told her the flat out truth when push came to shove and though at times he was a bit too involved with the John F. Kennedy assassination, it made her feel as if nothing bad had ever happened.

"No problem," Munch said grinning wickedly. "Oh look who it is." Olivia craned her neck behind her and was astonished to see Cassidy walking into the bullpen with a scowl plastered on his face.

"Shut up, Munch," he glared at the older detective. "I'm going to the crib, so no one bother me." Somewhere in Olivia's heart she knew this was coming. All men had these types of crabby moments and as much as it annoyed the hell out of Olivia, she knew it was the equivalent as when she was having her PMS moments.

"Yo, Brian, I gotta sleep up there tonight, so I'll be coming up later," Elliot called as Cassidy was climbing the stairs. For some strange reason, Olivia was briefly frightened as he shot Elliot what seemed to be the most icy glare possible.

"What the fuck ever," he grumbled. With that the door leading into the crib slammed shut with a rather loud bang and there was only silence left. On the inside Olivia was hurt, he didn't even pay her a single glance as he stormed in here. If she expected this type of nasty behavior from anyone it would be the "poster boy for rage" sitting right across from her. On the outside however, she remained calm and collected as always, acting just as she would had Elliot been in the place of Brian.

"Well, that was awkward," Munch broke the silence. Obviously, nothing really affected Munch so he just sat there grinning and looking like an ass.

"Yeah, it was," Elliot said with a nod, letting out a huge yawn. "Liv, why don't you go talk to him?," he suggested casually. Olivia couldn't help but wonder if he knew that Brian would probably flip out on her if she even entered the room. They had only slept together once, they barely were an item. She wanted it to be more, though, and maybe talking to him now would be the perfect time to know what he was really like outside of the bar and the job. She thought on it for a few more seconds, until she finally made up her mind.

"Fine," She huffed, leaving her chair with a painful wince as the ice left her bruised stomach. Olivia made her way upstairs, not going as quickly as she had once intended. She didn't want to admit that she was afraid, not necessarily that Cassidy would yell at her, but that he didn't actually want the relationship that she did. Of course, she wasn't ready to settle down and start a family, but she was ready for someone to love. Love was something rare for Olivia and for some odd reason, she knew that Brian Cassidy was someone she would always love, even if they broke up. He was sweet, caring, and lovable. He was like a loyal puppy dog that never left your side, not even for a second.

When she finally got to the door, which seemed to take forever, she wanted to knock, but realized that was stupid. It wasn't his crib, it was their whole damn crib, so she tentatively opened the door. Olivia noticed him immediately seated on a bed pushed up against the wall. He was leaned over and holding his head in his hands. If she didn't know any better she would think he was crying.

"Bri," she said softly, not wanting to startle him. He lifted his head up in the least, but other than that he seemed to ignore her. "Brian, can we talk?" Olivia knew he wasn't going to give in that easily. He was probably going to insist on playing the stubborn detective and pretend that he was too caught up in his own feelings to give a shit about her, but she knew better than to think that was really Brian. "Please?," she asked in a sweet, soft tone, that she hoped would break him.

It worked. He didn't say anything, but he scooted over on the bed which she knew was an invitation to go and sit down with him.

"I know you got mad today," she said as she sat down, "but really there's nothing to get upset about. Have you seen Elliot in interrogation? He's a fucking animal. And I bit the ass if that makes you feel any better." Olivia grinned and elbowed him lightly in the arm. She wanted the happy Brian she knew a few days ago. She wanted the real Brian.

"Liv," he croaked out, finally. "Liv, I just lost it, when he hit you, I completely fucking lost it. I couldn't protect you, you had to protect yourself. You shouldn't have had to drop what you were doing to save my ass."

"Woah," Olivia quickly stated, offended, "you think that I can't defend you? Can I remind you that I too am a cop Brian. I run ten miles every fucking day and I sure as hell can kick a perp's ass, so please enlighten me on why I shouldn't be able to assist my fellow colleague with a particularly large man." She honestly couldn't believe he had said that. It really had hurt her more than she would expect.

"No, Liv, that's not what I meant," he said hurriedly, looking as if he actually hadn't meant what he said. "I mean-Like it's really hard to explain without sounding like a complete creep. Look, I'll just come out and say it: I have this overwhelming urge to protect you. If it were up to me, I would be your partner so I could be there with you no matter what. It's not that I don't trust you to take care of yourself, it's just that you deserve to have someone do it for you." For the first time in a really long, long time, Olivia's heart swelled and she felt those intense butterflies she had rarely felt. What he had said meant so much to her. No one had ever said something like that to her. No one.

"That's probably the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me," Olivia muttered, trying to hide the forming tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to think that she was getting all worked up over something that probably wasn't even significant to him. But it sure was to her. He must have noticed her shaky voice because his head shot up and his eyes immediately found hers. "Thank you," Olivia whispered, hoping that he knew how special he truly made her feel.

"Why are you sad?," Brian asked, his baby blue eyes confused as he brushed away a fallen tear.

"I'm not sad, Bri," Olivia explained with a breathy laugh. Carefully, she placed her hand on top of Brian's that was still caressing her cheek and led it to her lips. Gently, she kissed the roughness of his hands, letting her eyes wander up to his once more. "You make me happier than anyone ever has," she whispered against his hand, closing her eyes and letting the world around her slowly fade away so it was only her and Brian. Before she knew it her face was buried in his strong chest and he had his arms fastened tightly around her.

"Liv, you're amazing," he muttered, stroking her back as she completely relaxed against him. It only took moments before she was soundly asleep in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey! Here's another fantastic update for Strength to Stay! *SMUT* I must admit, I haven't written much smut, but this was pretty fun to write and it turned out pretty good! Please review! Follow and Favorite if you would like as well!**

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It seemed they had only closed their eyes for a few minutes before both Brian and Olivia were shaken awake by a rather irritated looking Elliot.

"Do you know how fucking weird it is for me to sleep in the same room as you two lovebirds?," Elliot hissed through gritted teeth. Olivia recognized instantly that her partner was going to become livid in a few seconds if they didn't leave him to himself. Her heart ached a little bit, realizing that she and Brian had taken the only place where he could be alone and at peace. Her being the insensitive person that she was, hadn't thought about that last night.

"Sorry, El," Olivia murmured sleepily, lifting herself off of Brian's chest. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to get a watch," Brian responded with a cheesy, tired grin. She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her. Though she'd heard the annoying joke many times before, it was just so damn adorable hearing it come from Cassidy.

"It's like five o'clock," Elliot said, ignoring Brian's joke. "I have to testify in court on a collar I did a few months back and I would really, really like some peace before I go. Is that really so hard to ask?"

"What are we doing that's so bothersome?," Olivia asked, standing up and stretching. No previous boyfriends of hers ever complained about her sleeping habits. She might kick a little but nothing to keep Elliot from getting his sleep.

"Brian snores like a mother fucker and you're constantly talking about the stupidest shit, like wanting to go to the Bahamas." A jolt of alarm rocketed through her body. Olivia never knew that she had been a sleep talker and she actually did want to go to the Bahamas, but she never dared tell anyone that. It was just too personal. She wondered what else she had blurted out and knew she had to ask, in fear that he had heard something he shouldn't have heard.

"What else did I say?," Olivia questioned, crossing her fingers that she didn't say anything explicit about what she wanted to do to Brian. Elliot rolled his eyes and gave her a knowing look, as if he read her mind which wouldn't be too surprising since he knew her better than anyone, except maybe Brian.

"Nothing about you-know-who." A deep tinge colored Olivia's cheeks and she immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and die. The last thing she wanted Brian to think was that she was some sort of attached woman who dreamed in graphic detail about her lover. Truthfully, she kind of was, but not in the weird way many people would imagine so.

"Look, Elliot we'll leave so you can get your beauty sleep," Olivia snipped brushing past the disheveled detective, while a snickering Brian followed her. She needed to get out of there before she gave herself away anymore. As the door to the crib closed, Brian's hand immediately found hers, spinning her exhausted body into his. Once more, her face was nuzzled into his broad chest like it had been back in the crib while his hands wandered to her waist.

"Do you dream about me, Liv?," Brian muttered into her hair. She wanted to answer honestly and tell him 'yes, of course I do,' but she didn't seem to be able to form words. Actually, her whole body felt like it had been turned into a puddle of jelly. Maybe it was because someone so damn fantastic was holding her, gently caressing her waist that was making her become mute.

It was when Brian's lips brushed softly across her forehead that Olivia's legs went completely out from under her, something she could never say had happened before, at least not because of a man. Luckily, he was there to support her, holding her lower back and pressing her against his body. It didn't take a particularly observant person to notice how much he wanted her by the way his cheeks were flushed red and his lower body thrusted involuntarily against hers.

"Yes," Olivia replied breathily, remembering he was waiting for an answer. "They're the best dreams." She felt him chuckle and she smiled, loving that she was so close to him that she could actually feel him laugh. That one small fact made the moment so much more intimate.

"I dream about you too," Brian whispered, his lips traveling lightly to her temple. "All the time." She was about to say something, she didn't know what, but something that would surely spur Brian's hard on for her, when they heard a soft cough from the bullpen. Immediately they pulled away from each other, Olivia almost tripping down the stairs in the process, but catching herself on the railing at the last minute.

A tall, pretty blonde woman stood looking up at them with a small smile on her face. She was dressed in a pencil skirt and a crisp white shirt, holding a large leather briefcase. She was obviously a working woman, maybe a lawyer, but neither Olivia nor Brian had seen her before. Her shoulder length blonde hair hung effortlessly pretty and even from a distance Olivia could tell she had shiny, crystal blue eyes that reflected the dim lights of the precinct.

"Hi." She greeted them with a small wave. "I'm Alex Cabot, the new ADA for Special Victims." Olivia's blood ran cold, realizing there was a very good chance this new, young woman, eager for some attention would tell on them and God forbid what Cragen would do when he found out. Alex smiled gently, seeming to realize that she had startled Olivia with her new status. "Trust me I didn't see anything." She winked. "I was just wondering if there was a Detective Stabler anywhere here. He had to testify this morning in court and I just wanted to introduce myself." Olivia let out a small sigh, not completely convinced though.

"Yeah he's in there." She ushered behind her to the door. "He's not exactly in the best mood today, though, so I'd be careful." Though Olivia didn't want to come off sounding like an asshole for immediately pointing out her partner's foul behavior, she knew it would be rude not to warn Alex or anyone else for that matter because she knew how nasty he could get.

"Thanks for the advice," Alex replied with a small laugh.

"No problem," Olivia responded, her hand instinctively reaching behind her to find Brian's. His hands were warm and comforting as they curled around hers while she proceeded in tugging him down the stairs. Alex seemed to be watching them intently with a small, knowing smile on her face, but not the kind that belied her assurance a few moments ago.

"Well you guys enjoy yourselves," Alex said, obviously biting back a laugh. "And seriously don't worry about it," she affirmed with a light nod. Olivia hadn't known the woman for more than a few minutes and she already knew she was by far the best ADA they'd had in a long, long time. Not only because she turned a blind eye to their make out session, but because that showed that she wasn't the kind of asshole lawyers SVU usually had to deal with on a daily basis.

Once the door to the crib had closed, Olivia and Brian were rushing out of the office with only one place on their mind. Thank God for the weekends.

* * *

They barely made it to Olivia's apartment, hell they barely made it out of the cab before their lips were attached to each others once more and the lust grew until they both felt like they might possibly explode.

The minute they stumbled into the hallway of her apartment, Olivia had slammed the door shut and Brian had swept Olivia off her feet before she even knew what was happening. He carried her to the bedroom in record time, laying gentle kisses along her neck and collarbone as he walked, loving the way her smooth, tan skin tasted against his lips.

"Mmmm Bri," Olivia moaned as he put her down on the bed, hurriedly beginning to unbutton his shirt. In a minute she had thrown the thin, white fabric off to the side and splayed her hands across his toned abs. They flexed involuntarily as she caressed him, scratching him ever so lightly, leaving a long trail of red lines. He grunted and ran his fingers across her face, satisfied when goosebumps sprouted up along her neck and her fondling faltered.

Without a seconds hesitation Brian lightly pushed her hands off of his chest, allowing him full access to her clothed chest. He fumbled with the buttons, his excitement clearly visible to Olivia. She bit her lips, holding back a smile and took his large hands in hers, guiding them down lower to the button on her pants.

Brian knew what she was hinting at and he immediately began working at the zipper as Olivia, unbuttoned her blouse and slid it down her arms, discarding it as she had with his top. Brian had succeeded in getting her pants undone and was in the process of getting them down her long, tan legs when he looked up, his mouth dropping open in shock.

Olivia crossed her arms over her bra, feeling self conscious at the amazed look on his face. "What?," she asked, the thin lines on her forehead coming into view as they did whenever she got worried. Brian bent down and kissed her passionately on her lips, letting his hands roam up her waist to her bra.

"You're just so fucking beautiful," He muttered when they broke away from the kiss for fresh air. Olivia smiled shyly up at him and then, before she knew it, Brian had reached behind her and undid her bra, tossing it off to the side. He thumbed her soft, pink buds for a moment before descending upon her and taking a breast into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the tender flesh.

"Fuckkkk," Olivia moaned, her right hand raking through his short hair as he lavished her breast, the other positioned on her other breast, tugging at her nipple. She didn't feel him hurriedly working at the button on his pants while still lapping hungrily on her. She did, however, notice when he tugged his pants down his legs along with his boxers, exposing himself to her. Olivia gazed at his manhood longingly, loving the way it stood straight up and throbbed with need for a release. The next second, the power had shifted and Brian was now on his back with the beautiful detective straddling his legs, her hands creeping up closer to her intended destination. Involuntarily, Brian bucked upwards, needing contact with her.

Olivia chuckled and leaned forward to his abdomen, leaving a trail delicate, gentle kisses until she reached his hard member. She cupped a hand around him, unmoving and realized that he's a lot bigger than she remembered; then again she had been drunk off her ass. Now, she was completely sober, able to take in every moment and drink in the sight of him before her; his eyes squeezed shut with ecstasy, his muscles flexing as she began to gently massage him, the way he tried to stop the involuntary thrusting of his hips into her palm.

And then the next moment her lips were mere centimeters away from his, her hot breath falling onto him and her dark hair barely brushing over his lower body. It was when she began to gently kissed his dick that he realized what she intended on doing and though he wanted her to do it more than anything, it didn't seem like the thing women enjoyed to do. So, with his last bit of self control, Brian softly brushed her hair out of her eyes and cupped her face.

"Love, you don't have to-," he started, but Olivia immediately silenced him by smashing her lips against his, her tongue entering his mouth before Brian could finish a coherent thought. Her hands gently continued to massage him as their tongues swirled together.

"I want to," Olivia breathed as they broke apart. He wanted to argue, to tell her that she didn't have to do something so unpleasant, but the way she slid back down his body, her breasts pressing against him made him think perhaps she really _did_ want to. And when he finally felt her hot, velvety mouth envelope his throbbing member he _knew_ she wanted to do this. There was absolutely no way she didn't want to, not with the way her mouth slid up and down him with determination and the way she looked up at him with a certain glint in her eyes. He bucked upwards instinctively pushing himself farther into her mouth. This earned a cute giggle to vibrate through Olivia's throat and Brian was certain he was dying right then and there. It was just so unfathomably amazing that he was here again with Olivia 'Badass' Benson, someone who would certainly never just go down on any guy. It made him want to jump up and down like an excited kid, but he knew he would have time for that later.

"Liv," he ground out through his teeth, clenching his fists to hold back the urge to primally fuck the hell out of her. "You need to stop this." Olivia listened and sucked on him for a few more seconds before letting him go. She climbed back up to him, kissing his muscular body the whole way. Brian couldn't miss the cocky smirk on her lips as she snuggled herself into his neck. He knew it just as well as she did that he nearly lost all control with her and though it wasn't entirely surprising no other woman had ever made him feel like she did.

"Hmmm," Olivia hummed, "Did you like that?" He didn't really know how she was asking him that because it was evident she already knew the answer. So Brian just nodded and grinned over at her, brushing a few stay hairs out of her bedroom eyes.

"I think it's your turn." Olivia lay her head back on the pillows as he began his slow descent to her pants, his tongue rolling over her nipples and his hands tracing small patterns on her stomach. He tugged the fabric down the long length of her legs along with her skimpy, lace underwear Brian knew he would be seeing in his dreams. "Jesus, Liv," he murmured, taking in the full sight of her completely naked before him. His fingers danced over the fresh deep purple bruise on her lower stomach and he was hit with a flash of sudden anger at Barry.

But he dismissed it, because it wasn't about him and his anger now, it was all about Olivia.

Her chest heaved up and down as she stared at him, waiting for his tongue to glide over her most intimate parts. And though he wanted to take in the moment and remember it, saving it for a time in the future when Olivia wasn't available to him, he couldn't stop himself. He grazed his soft tongue around her wet center and she immediately groaned and began writhing.

"Holy shittttt," Olivia moaned as he sucked and lapped at her hungrily. One hand traced lazy patterns on her inner thigh while the other toyed with her breast. Brian swore to himself that this was by far the best sex he had ever had, not just because Olivia was beautiful and talented in bed, but because of the simple fact that it was _Olivia_ he was with. Though Brian had only been with SVU for a mere year, he knew that there had never been another detective like Olivia. She was charming, seductive, gorgeous, but at the same time she knew her place and where to draw the line. That line had been crossed those few nights ago after a few drinks, but the fact that she was choosing to do it again was just enough to blow Brian out of his mind. Just as he was thinking of what she was able to do to him, his tongue plunged inside her core earning a loud, strained whimper from Olivia. He knew she was teetering on the edge of her climax and although he wanted to drag the whole process out, he couldn't wait to get inside of her and he doubted she could either. To get to his point as soon as possible, Brian took two of his thick fingers and easily slipped them into her tight center.

"Oh Fuck, Bri!," Olivia screamed as she threw her head back onto the pillows. Her lower body bucked against his face and he took his other hand that had been playing with her breast and placed it securely around her waist so he could work his magic. After that he closed his eyes and let himself enjoy her taste, her scent, her sounds. He sucked on her clit while his two finger pumped in and out of her, the speed becoming faster and faster with each incoherent moan she let out. Within 30 seconds he felt her tight body clench around his fingers and his eyes flew open to look at her. A few beads of sweat were dripping down her neck and her back was arched so high that it wasn't even touching the bed.

Brian felt Olivia's hand move to his head as she pressed him harder against her clit.

"Please Brian, harder….," Olivia whined, tossing her head restlessly. He obliged to her demand and thrusted his fingers faster and harder into her. "Oh my God!," she cried out as she let herself go completely. Brian loved watching her like this. It was just so erotic and beautiful, something he could swear he had never seen before. Finally, once the tremors in her body had subdued, Brian withdrew himself from her and situated himself between her legs.

"Do I need a condom?," Brian asked. Olivia nodded, though she trusted him completely and wanted him to be inside her with nothing separating them, she wasn't prepared to become pregnant,not when she was so young. Brian climbed off of the bed and reached into his pants and took out his wallet. He extracted a condom and tore open the outer wrappings. Olivia giggled as he nearly jumped back onto the bed, already through rolling the thin latex over himself.

"Liv, you're amazing," Brian moaned as he bent down a kissed her deeply on the lips. She gently nipped at his lower lip as her hips wiggled, her wet center making contact with his dick.

"I need you inside of me," Olivia whimpered as she grazed her fingernails down his back. Brian knew she was satisfied when he shuddered and let out a trail of explicits. Still, he wanted to wait, but the heat that was pulsating through his veins and the way his head was spinning from so much pleasure was just too much to handle. He pushed the head of his throbbing member inside of her. Once more, her back arched and she muttered his name over and over again. Hearing his name being whispered from her lips in such a seductive, arousing way, made him snap before he could stop himself.

Brian began thrusting in and out of her with fast, hard strokes hearing her moans turn into animalistic, painful growls. He knew he was going harder than he should considering she couldn't hesitate in throwing him out, but he couldn't stop. He was just so focused on her the way she looked, the way she felt like velvet against him that he couldn't bring himself to slow down. It surprised him though, because he had never been into rough sex, not with the way things could easily turn bad with it, but there was something different about it now. It was like he had made it his personal mission, unknowingly, to brand Olivia as his, to leave some sort of reminder of what they had done.

"Oh my fucking Christ, Olivia!," Brian shouted pounding into her, still, feeling himself tipping. Rather than have himself come first, his fingers found their way to her clit and massaged. Olivia threw her head from side to side, her eyebrows scrunched up in concentration. He knew she was trying to hold out for him because she'd already gotten her release, but he couldn't have that. He wanted her to feel twice as good as he did.

"Come, Liv. Come for me," he whispered breathily into her ear. It took only seconds for her to tighten around him, making his movements hard to comply to, but he pushed through, his release coming seconds after hers. Brian continued moving inside of her body for a good few minutes, not able to stop the involuntary thrusting. He collapsed beside her, not wanting to crush her by laying on top of her, though it would have been his preference to stay inside of her. They both lay there, breathing heavily separated by a few inches of space, but neither one of them noticed. Brian turned his head and stared at Olivia, his eyes grazing over her body covered in a slick layer of sweat. Her dark hair was soaking wet and stuck to her neck and face and Brian tried not to think about how he had caused that. He was far too tired for another round, though his body would surely be willing.

"Liv?," he asked.

"Yeah?" Her eyes were still closed and her chest was coming back to a normal rhythm of breathing.

"Did I hurt you?," Brian questioned, scooting over and filling the space between them. He brushed her hair away from her face so he could see her eyes if she opened them, her beautiful brown eyes. He was surprised when she snickered, but alas her eyes opened.

"Bri, you definitely didn't hurt me," Olivia explained, kissing his neck tenderly.

"I thought I was going too hard and I'm sorry I just lost control-." Olivia cut him off before he could finish by placing a finger on his lips. A smile curled at her full lips as she gazed longingly into his eyes.

"Seriously, that was the best sex I've ever had," Olivia assured him, her hand wrapping around the large muscles on his forearm. She traced her fingers from her other hand down his face, rubbing gently over the five o'clock shadow. Brian moaned as she caressed him. Olivia giggled and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"See this is what you do to me," Brian joked burying his face into her neck, breathing in the warm scent of her body. A few minutes later after they snuggled, Olivia excused herself for a shower, promising Brian they were going to go out for lunch. Once he heard the shower start, Brian hopped out of bed and began jumping up and down like an excited kid.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Enjoy! Please review! I haven't been much in a writing mood this last month, but I'm trying to back into the swing of things! **

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The frosty, early November air nipped at Olivia's face. She tried to ignore the numbing stings of the wind, but it was becoming increasingly harder to. Though, if Brian kept holding her hand like the way he was now, Olivia was willing to walk around Manhattan all day long.

"You're freezing your ass off aren't you?," Brian asked with chuckle, playfully nudging her ribs, cushioned by her winter coat, with his elbow. Olivia looked at him with a scowl, but was not entirely serious.

"Sure, laugh at me all you want, but when I kick you out of my apartment into the freezing cold, I don't think you will be laughing anymore," Olivia snapped, yanking her hand out of his grip and attempting to cross her arms over her chest. She had been going for a truly angry, somewhat teasing look, but she missed her target by a mile. Her puffy coat was far too heavy and big to allow much movement for her arms and trying to cross them proved to futile. Cassidy laughed and kissed her on the cheek, slipping his fingers through hers once more. Olivia didn't bother to fight, not with him at least.

They walked for a few minutes in a comfortable silence taking in the sights around them that they barely had the chance to see. Olivia was hardly a religious person, but even she had to gaze up at the large churches she passed, fascinated by their beautiful stain glass windows and large wooden doors. What was even more enchanting to her was the way Brian would stare up at them too, but this was not allure she saw, this was a depression, misery.

"Are you Catholic?," Olivia blurted out. She had been thinking about that because why else would someone look at a church that way if they weren't somehow connected to it. Brian glanced at her with a small, sad smile and nodded.

"I haven't been to Church in a long, long time," he admitted, squeezing her hand. Olivia took this as a sign that he wasn't proud of that fact.

"Why?" Though it was a simple question, it probably took a lot of thought to answer. She wanted to explain herself, to insist she wasn't trying to be rude, but he seemed to realize her uneasiness. She opened her mouth to apologize, but he cut her off before he could say anything.

"Liv, it's fine, really. Look, I don't know it's just complicated…," Brian muttered, shaking his head. Olivia recognized his attempt to change the topic, to let her know quite well that he didn't want to talk about it. Although Olivia was hurt, more hurt than she would have thought, she knew that when he felt comfortable telling her, he would.

"Oh," she answered blankly. "Okay."

"No, no, Liv, please don't think that I don't trust you because I do, seriously," Brian said hurriedly, stopping in his tracks to look into her eyes. "I just-I don't want to scare you away." A little light lit up in her heart when she heard him say that, again amazed and astonished by the way he could be so sweet, yet so sexy.

"Bri, I'm hardly the type that's scared of Catholics," Olivia replied to him with a small laugh, tugging him forward so they could continue their walk.

"That's not what I mean," Brian sighed. She waited for some sort of elaboration from him, but got nothing.

"Okay, Brian. It's fine really," she assured him, knowing that she was probably doing an awful job hiding her annoyance. It wasn't that she was angry at him, she wasn't. But she felt that unfamiliar territorial urge that she should know things like this, especially since past girlfriends probably knew and he was hesitating to tell her.

"Oh, Liv," Brian sighed. "Please don't be mad, I'm just nervous about telling you, that's all. I've just never told anyone, not even my closest friends." Olivia's eyes snapped over to meet with his. The usual lightheartedness present there was gone and was now only filled with pain and sadness, something she rarely saw in him. She had the sudden urge to wrap her arms around him, to soothe him and tell him that she would never judge him…because he was too good to stand for something like that.

"Well, if it's that big, can we at least get out of the cold first?," Olivia asked innocently, feeling her toes starting to freeze. Brian grinned and leaned in to press his lips onto hers.

"Of course, baby," he said as he pulled away from her, burying his nose into her hair. Olivia smiled and pulled him closer to her, savoring the feeling of someone being so close to her, someone that she knew would undoubtedly never want to leave.

Brian had steered the two of them into an aged, uncrowded restaurant. Though he knew better than to take a lady here, especially someone like Olivia who he knew deserved the absolute best, he struggled to explain to her that it would be the best thing for them to go somewhere where there weren't many people around. Now, they were nestled in a booth in the very back, the dim lights from the fading lamps only accentuating how beautiful Olivia looked. Brian struggled to shake it out of his mind, but it was becoming more difficult by the second, knowing that soon he was going to tell her all about his past.

"Are you okay?," Olivia questioned, seeming to sense his discomfort. Brian swallowed and nodded slowly, not feeling okay at all. "You know, Bri, you don't have to do this." She sounded genuine, Brian concluded. He knew that she wouldn't hold it against him if he backed out of telling her the most important secret of his life, but he wanted to, more than anything. Because he wanted her to know what she was signing up for, because he didn't want this to be a half-assed relationship. He wanted her, all of her for the rest of his life.

"I know, Liv, but I need to. I've waited way to many years holding this in." He took in a long, shuddering breathe and then continued. "I didn't grow up with the best family. It wasn't that we were poor or my parents didn't work, it was that they were kinda crazy. They were so religious, they made me go to mass everyday, even if I had to miss something really important. One time when I was fourteen, I skipped to hang out with my friends. My parents found out and freaked out at me. I'd never seen them like that before. My father beat me while my mother prayed to God for forgiveness for her bastard son. He broke three of my ribs and my nose that night." Olivia's eyes were confused and pained, her whole face seemed to be contorted into disbelief.

"Brian, I'm so sorry," Olivia muttered, gently reaching across the table to grasp his hand. Brian chuckled darkly and shook his head.

"That's not even the worst of it," he muttered, squeezing her hand tightly as he recalled the memories. "I tried to run away a bunch of times. I was so fucking scared of them I barely got any sleep at night. Even the fucking police were on their side. They convinced them I was hurting myself and I was some sort of psycho. One night after the police had picked me up and taken me back home, my mother started ranting on about how I was just like my brother and sister." He paused. "I was an only child, or so I thought. So, that night I found out about my two siblings Paul and Marie that I never knew about and how my parents kicked them out of the house after they stopped going to church. My father beat me harder than the first time that night. That's why I refuse to go to church. It brings up bad memories." Brian could see that Olivia's eyes were clouded over. He wanted to apologize for making her sad, but she seemed to sense that he was about to do that.

"Don't," she spoke in a soft voice and stopped to wipe a stray tear away from her cheek. "Well, you made it through and came out strong and wonderful and amazing." Brian smiled weakly. Olivia's face fell. "There's more, isn't there?" He nodded.

"I looked up their names in Yellow Pages and found out where they both lived. I went to Paul's house first. He had a dream home with a wife and kids and everything anyone could ever want, but he slammed the door in my face. He said he didn't want anything to do with me or my parents. I decided not to go to Marie's place because I didn't want her to-," Brian paused and closed his eyes for a brief moment, "to say the same shit."

"She came to me though after she heard about it from Paul. She was a year younger than Paul and had two kids and a husband, but she took me in. Until I was 18, there was this whole lawsuit against my parents and a bunch of restraining orders against them and all this shit that turned Marie's life inside out. I don't even know why she kept me," Brian finished finally. He attempted to mask his welling tears with a cough, but he knew it wasn't doing any good. The wetness on his cheeks proved that.

"Of course she would keep you. It's all about blood, Bri. If you have siblings it's your duty to protect them, even if you never knew them. I'm sure Marie knew that," Olivia explained, wanting Cassidy to know that he was never a burden on anyone.

"How do you know?," Brian snapped a little too harshly. "Did you have siblings?" Olivia looked at him as if she had been slapped.

"I don't know," she muttered after a few seconds seeming to get over the initial shock of him yelling at her. "My mother doesn't know who my father is," she paused. "Because he raped her." And then Brian felt something like a knife piercing his heart. Here he was whining over something that seemed petty compared to what Olivia and her mother had gone through. He'd seen it all, the quilt and anguish victims felt, how they would lash out on anyone close to them, especially if a product of a rape involved. He almost didn't want her to continue, but she did.

"I only told Elliot, Cragen, and Munch. I was going to tell you, but I just didn't know whenthe best time would be," Olivia nearly whispered as she lowered her eyes down to her lap. A few silent beats passed. Brian wasn't sure what to say as his mind tried to wrap around the concept. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make things awkward…" Before she could finish her sentence, Brian had slid into the seat next to her and quickly wrapped his arms around her small shoulders.

"Don't apologize," he whispered into her hair. Brian paused for a moment, wanting the question forming on his lips to stop, but he knew it had to be asked. Because he needed to know. "Olivia, did she hurt you?" She blinked away the forming tears in her eyes and tried to turn her head, but Brian pulled her in closer to him, leaving her no choice but to bury her face into his chest without being at a completely awkward angle.

"Yeah I guess you could say that," she muttered. Brian had a feeling that was all she was going to tell him on the topic. He wanted desperately to pry, to demand that she tell him so he could hold her and kiss her and tell her that she was safe with him, but he knew that it just wasn't his place. They weren't long time friends, or partners like her and Elliot were, hell they'd barely known each other for a year. He hadn't earned that right and he was fairly sure no one ever had with Olivia. It wasn't hard to tell she was a person who barely, if at all, told anyone, anything about herself. It hurt him knowing that growing up with her mother must have caused that seclusion.

"Are you still in touch?," Brian asked, deciding to go for a broader, slightly less personal topic.

"We have lunch whenever I have the chance." Olivia's watery eyes darted up to meet his. "And I love her. After everything she did to me, I love her." Brian knew what she meant. No matter how horribly his parents treated him, beat him, belittled him, he still loved them. He was fairly certain it was under scientific study because he wasn't sure why or how he could love them. But he did.

"I know you do. I love my parents too. They love me too. And your mother loves you." Brian struggled to keep his voice from wobbling. The last thing he wanted was to start bawling on her because he'd already done enough of that last night in the crib.

"I just wish it was all different. I mean look at you, Bri. You're the sweetest, most caring, loving man I have ever met. You didn't deserve to be treated like that," Olivia said, her voice slightly muffled as she was still snuggled up tight against his chest.

"I think that's what made us who we are, knowing that we can do so much better than who raised us." Brian felt her nod against his chest.

He wanted to spend eternity there, whispering memories of college and high school in her ear, resulting in both of their moods to change from sad and depressed to happy and carefree. Minutes later, Olivia was nearly in tears of laughter as Brian told her about the time he was babysitting his five year old nephew, Matt, and Brian had convinced him that his 16 year old sister was a boy. Every time she brought a boy over, Matt would run up and declare what gender he thought his sister was, describing in full detail to the boys what they should look for in her private square.

"I cannot believe you did that," Olivia gasped for breath and wiped her eyes. "I bet she never got laid." A few more giggles escaped the both of them.

Then a familiar, annoying little beeping interrupted their laughter. Now, instead of laughter there were two angry groans from the both of them as they reached around in their pockets to see whose it was.

"Fuck, it's me," Olivia growled under her breath, glaring at the pager as though she wanted to set it on fire and throw it in the Hudson. She looked up at him with sad, disappointed eyes. "I'm sorry, babe." Brian half smiled and kissed her.

"No worries. Raincheck?" He already knew the answer even before she nodded with a satisfied smile.

A few, dragged out minutes later, they were both standing in the chilly air again as Brian flagged down a cab. Olivia was buttoned up in her puffy coat again and Brian was left feeling giddy and excited at how adorable she looked.

He held her gloved hand as she got into the cab, kissing it like a real gentleman as he handed the cab driver some cash. Brian knew she was about to insist she could take care of it, but he leaned down and silenced her with a kiss, his hand lingering on her waist, craving more of her warmth. It was only the unhappy beeps and shouts from the cars behind them that led Brian to pull away and give those people the finger, yelling explicits back.

"I'll give you a call," Olivia said with a grin.

"Definitely." Brian grinned right back.

And much to his displeasure, he found himself having to close the taxi door and watch it swerve around the corner. Then he was back at square one, feeling happy, excited, so many things….Somewhere in the front of his mind, there was that electrifying sensation that Olivia Benson might be the _one_. Okay, yes, they'd only slept together twice and they could hardly consider themselves at that stage in their relationship where he looked for a ring and declared his undying love for her, but there was something so different about her. He wanted so desperately to impress her more than any other man had because no other woman could compare to her. No other woman had that charisma, that unfathomably beautiful personality that had the perfect balance of a kid heart and a teasing mind and a mature attitude and youthful beauty.

Yes, Olivia Benson was the one. And he was never going to let anyone know that until the day came when he propsed.

* * *

Olivia rushed into the nearly empty bullpen, catching a glimpse of herself on a glass door. Her cheeks were rosy red as was her nose even though she had barely been out in the cold since she stepped out of the cab. It was an unfortunate trait she remembered having as a child. The tiniest bit of cold could turn her face into a ball of red.

"Oh hey, Rudolph came early," Munch said, grinning as he came out of the interrogation room where they interviewed victims.

"Shut up" Olivia mumbled, not at all in the mood to fight with him or anyone else for that matter. She just wanted to go home and cuddle up in bed with Brian.

"Okay, someone forgot their coffee as usual," Munch retorted under his breath. "Look, enough of the bullshit," he said before she could respond. "A 16 year old girl came in here a few minutes ago. She tried to speak with you last night, but I'm assuming that was right about the time you got tied up with Barry." Olivia nodded, now finally, remembering the girl. A pang of guilt swam around her stomach as she realized she'd practically abandoned the poor thing.

"Shit. Did you talk to her?," Olivia asked. Munch shook his head.

"She only wanted to speak to a woman, so I called the best female member of this unit." She would think that this happened more often than not, but a lot of adult rape victims were more comfortable talking about the assault or whatnot with anyone, man or woman. Olivia had learned that younger girls definitely felt more safe with women.

"So, she didn't say anything at all?," Olivia questioned, unbuttoning her coat and laying it on her desk.

"Just that her name was Kate, it was urgent, and she couldn't wait another day without talking to someone," Munch replied with a shrug. "I got the vibe that she's been holding this in for a while." Olivia nodded and headed towards the interrogation room.

"Thanks, John."

Kate was seated on the edge of the red, leather couch with a plastic cup clutched in her hands. She looked a lot less put together than she did last night. Her wavy, dirty blonde hair was thrown up in a messy ponytail and she was in unmatched sweats and sneakers. Her face was streaked with tears, though she looked as if she calmed herself down enough to stop crying for now.

"Hi, Kate," Olivia said as she closed the door behind her. "I'm Detective Benson." Kate looked up at her, her bloodshot, light brown eyes snapping up to meet Olivia's.

"I-I need to report something," Kate said, almost breathlessly. Olivia nodded and grabbed a notebook from the desk nestled up in the corner of the room. She settled herself down in a chair across from Kate and waited patiently for her to begin talking. "I don't even know where to start."

"Okay, why don't you start by telling me how you were assaulted," Olivia suggested lightly, leaning forward slightly in her seat. Kate appeared to struggle with getting her voice to work. When she did speak, her voice was shaky and had a fear present that spooked even Olivia.

"My father raped me." As the words left Kate's mouth, Olivia could almost feel the bile rising in her throat. Even being at SVU for three years couldn't prepare you fully for when the victim finally came out and told what had happened to them as they held back sobs until it was completely useless to even try. What made it worse was that it was Kate's own flesh and blood she was describing.

It was disgusting. It was absolutely vile.

Olivia took a few, deep breaths and scribbled down the report, asking Kate the usual questions: when it happened, where it happened, how he did it, if anyone else knew, what she was wearing. It was a pretty rock solid case when the whole thing came together.

About 10 months ago Kate was walking home one night from her friend Lex's house when her father had called her, demanding she come home. Her mother was away on a business trip in France and her father was watching her and her little sister, Megan, until she came back. Kate had thought her and her dad had agreed on 12 o'clock, and it was only 11:00, but he sounded really angry. When she had gotten home, her father grabbed her hair and slammed her against the wall. He had pressed into her and made her say that she liked it. He had pulled down her pants and pushed inside of her before Kate knew what had happened. She had been a virgin. It lasted for what seemed like forever, but when Kate looked at the clock again it was only 12:30. Her father beat her, kicking and bunching, until she stopped crying. Kate said she had smelled alcohol on his breathe as he raped her and she said he kept calling her a naughty girl. When he was finished, he had pulled her by her hair to her room and thrown her on the bed and ordered her to shower and never to tell anyone about it. Kate couldn't keep it pent up inside of her any longer. The awful, nagging guilt she felt every time she looked at her mother, father, or sister made her stop eating and sleeping.

The absolute worst part of it….

Kate's father was a judge.


End file.
